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Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?  If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

I think the first, and most obvious way, that fantasy BDSM/kink varies from real life is in the variety of kinks that can be explored in fantasy. The world of ‘unrealistic’ kinks is huge, from furry to vore to inflation. Because of the increasing popularity of the internet, people can explore their kinks and connect with other people who are interested in them far more easily. They can also roleplay online and share art and video. These are ways of connecting that didn’t exist before the internet, so I would assume that people with more extreme kinks have access to community in a new way.

In my experience, people find it easier to make connections and explore sexuality online. I’ve met a number of people who are very kinky and open online, but have next to no real-life experience. While that’s not for me, I’m not being judgemental; just a little sad that they may be missing out on fun. Still, I’m glad that they have an outlet for their desires in a safe space, as sometimes there are real-life issues like children, relatives, jobs, or geographical location that may make it impossible to have kinky fun in real life.

I do think that sometimes people may seek connections online as a safety net, and that they may rely on them instead of seeking connection in real life. While the feelings are real, it’s not the same as a real life commitment. I can certainly empathise, having been in that position myself.

I find it very interesting, the wide range of sexual expression that you can see online. Most of it doesn’t bother me, apart from material that hinges on absence of consent. There is an argument that expression of ‘deviant’ sexuality in fantasy can prevent acting on it in real life, such as in pedophiles and rapists. I do think that this warrants further study, but I can’t wholly accept that it doesn’t normalise it for these people in a way.