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Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

I’m going to interpret this question more generally, rather than specifically about BDSM/kink partners. It’s something that I have been thinking about in the last few weeks, encouraged in part by my therapist and other people in my life. Knowing what I want has always been difficult for me, since I have a tendency to sacrifice my own happiness in favour of keeping things stable or keeping other people content.

I suppose looks catch my eye at first. Like most people, I enjoy looking at attractive people! I’m unlikely to pursue something with someone I perceive to be attractive right off the bat though, since I can be shy and reserved around new people.

While I certainly find myself physically and emotionally attracted to women, I have a preference for men. I’ve not found myself in the position of negotiating a relationship with someone who doesn’t fit into the gender binary, but I would not expect myself to consider it a problem.

In a broad sense, I expect to be able to have an intellectual discussion with my partner. I would expect my values surrounding social issues like gender equality to be echoed by my partner. It’s too tiring to have to debate things like that, and I would not be comfortable in a relationship where I felt like my views, my sexuality and my gender were not respected.

If I’m honest with myself, a factor in my decision would be the question of children in the future. I expect to have children one day, and if I were to become seriously involved with someone, I would need them to agree with this. While I would never pressure someone into having children, if we were together in a decade, they would need to go along with my wishes! Because of fertility issues that I have, it’s crucial that I give myself time to overcome potential problems when planning.

I need a partner with whom I can be silly and have funny conversations; someone who makes me laugh. I also need someone who is caring towards animals, and wouldn’t be put off by the number of pets I may have.

I would need a partner who appreciates every part of me, physically and mentally. I’ve had enough of feeling low about myself, and of feeling unattractive. If my partner doesn’t worship me and make me feel fucking h0t, I have no time for them.

Above all, I need honesty. That’s non-negotiable.

And pretty blue eyes are acceptable too.